Piers vs. Madge

Posted on January 13, 2011 by


Who would have thought we’d miss Larry King?

By Gina Pusateri

Hey look its Madonna! And some random middle-aged British guy? I don’t get it. Photo from accesshollywood.com.

Piers Morgan is a douchebag.

Until a couple of weeks ago I was just vaguely familiar with who he was, only aware of the fact that he would be taking over for Larry King. Then I read this on the Huffington Post:

“Speaking to Britain’s Daily Express last week, Morgan said that Madonna ‘is so boring. She is too vegan for TV. We have Lady Gaga now so Madonna is banned from my show.’ He did, however, say that he wanted President Obama, Mel Gibson and Jack Nicholson on ‘Piers Morgan Tonight,’ which debuts in 2011.”

More recently he said of the Material Girl:

“She’s kind of been an irritant in my life for 20 years, so I had to ban her from the show … A bended-knee apology on CNN might swing it. Other than that, it’s a lifetime ban.”

Cue the record scratch. The double take (in this case, double-read).  The “oh no he did NOT.”

Excuse me Piers-effing-Morgan but who the hell are you? The acclaimed judge of “America’s Got Talent?” The original winner of “The Celebrity Apprentice?” Well whhoo-wee, I didn’t realize we were talking about someone on the top of the A-list here.  All hail the golden Morgan.

Now I’m not claiming to be the world’s biggest Madonna fan.  “The Immaculate Collection” and a VHS of A League of Their Own make up my personal Madonna collection (wait- does the “Power of Madonna” Glee CD count? Didn’t think so). And I’m not going to go into the thousand reasons why Madonna is awesome. Unless you’re Piers-“A-hole”-Morgan, you probably know most of these reasons. All I’m saying is boy needs to learn a little respect.

BFFS: Gaga and Madge- black lace and pleather glovelets 4EVAH! Photo from whyfame.com.

Not only is Piers-Idiot-Morgan’s complete lack of respect for Madge disgusting, but his reasoning discredits his opinion even further. She’s too vegan for TV? Really? How about Bill and Chelsea Clinton? Betty White? Prince? None of these vegan guests are allowed on your show due to your strict criterion of what’s good TV. No big deal though, since all of these celebrities are well-above your caliber and probably wouldn’t appear on your bush-league show anyway.

Then he goes on to say, “We have Lady Gaga now so Madonna is banned.” Now listen to me very carefully Piers-Jerk-Face-Morgan: WITHOUT MADONNA THERE IS NO LADY GAGA. It’s common knowledge that Gaga’s fashion sense, music, and penchant for controversial videos were influenced by none other than she-who-you-wish-to-ban. In fact, I hope Morgan doesn’t plan on booking too many female artists, because hundreds of them not only were inspired by Madonna, but were able to find success in a male-dominated industry because of the ground she broke.

Instead of being the closed minded-fool that you are, you could have been an actual JOURNALIST (which your background clearly indicates you once were) and come up with more creative solutions. How about a Lady Gaga/Madonna interview? Have them both on at once. You know who would like to see that? I don’t know, probably the millions of fans both of these women share, including myself. Guess your personal feelings are more important than your ratings and therefore your job. Real professional. Doesn’t matter; you’ve just dissuaded me from EVER WATCHING YOUR SHOW.

Sorry - this is just what happens when I watch “America’s Got Talent.”

And what’s even more revolting here is the ridiculous double standard. Let’s talk about Mel Gibson, who Piers-Dick-Head-Morgan says will appear on his show. Not mentioning Gibson’s recent blunders (cough::: bigoted-wife-beater::cough) he is TWO YEARS OLDER than Madonna with fewer recently pertinent accomplishments. And fine, I will mention it (again): HE’S A TERRIBLE PERSON. But by your logic, you should probably interview actor/director James Franco instead. To quote you: “[Franco] is half [Gibson’s] age, twice as good-looking, twice as talented, and twice as hot” (oh wait, Franco probably didn’t return your calls). But no, since Gibson is a man and Morgan is a man these things don’t matter. But since Morgan is a man and Madonna is a woman, she’s a shriveled up old has-been who isn’t worth this C-level celebrity’s time.

However old Madonna gets, she is still (and probably will be until her last breath) relevant. Shame on your short-sightedness for not being able to notice that. Have fun interviewing Jack Nicholson (who is obviously nothing of a has-been himself – oh wait – I forgot about his comeback performance in How Do You Know), and good luck getting President Obama to give a shit about you.

The only way I would ever watch your show is if you gave a bended-knee apology on CNN to her highness of pop. And to humanity. For being such a douchebag.

– Gina Pusateri